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A Matter of Diplomacy, part two Saturday, 13-Nov-1999 11:09:48
“His Majesty, Banjooo—King of the Sea Monkeys, ruler of the Undersea World, and…” the announcer paused and checked his guest list, “…a Ms. Cheryl.” “Well, that was anti-climitic” Cheryl noted wryly as she and Banjooo entered the reception hall in the east wing of the White House. “I need to get myself a title some time.” Banjooo made a face. “Don’t bother, they just take up perfectly good space on your business cards.” He looked at her thoughtfully. “Although, I suppose I could bestow one upon you, if you like…” he tapped his chin thoughtfully. “How about, ‘Her Grace, The Lady Cheryl, Dutchess of Lake Superior’? It’s got a nice ring to it.” Cheryl laughed. “Is Lake Superior even a part of your Kingdom? I hadn’t realized it was stocked with Sea Monkeys.” “Only those Sea Monkeys who manage to annoy me.” Banjooo admitted. “Lake Superior is pretty damn cold.” Cheryl arched an eyebrow. “I thought you claimed that Sea Monkeys could withstand any degree of cold water?” “Oh, we can live in it…” Banjooo said. “But that doesn’t mean we like it. Of course, the subjects who really manage to piss me off end up dodging lamprey in Lake Erie…” He noticed a large, rat-like man striding purposefully towards them, followed by a tide of small, furry rodents. "Aw, crap. Here comes Urwin, King of the Lemmings… This is gonna be ugly." "Why?" Cheryl asked. "The Sea Monkeys and the Lemmings have been at war for generations." "Lemmings? Those little animals that run off cliffs into the ocean in mass suicides?" "Their 'Invasion Forces'" Banjooo confirmed. Cheryl looked dubious. "Are you saying that lemmings can breath underwater?" "No" Banjooo answered with a shrug. "No-one ever claimed that they were *successful* invasion forces... Urwin won't accept the fact that they all drown. He thinks we hold them in POW camps. He hates me with a passion." “Sounds like a clear and present danger to me” Cheryl noted mildly as the rodent king worked his way towards them. “Don’t you have some sort of Secret Service to intercept threats to your person?” “Not any more” Banjooo replied. “Our military determined that it would take exactly 298,543 Sea Monkeys all lined up to stop a .22 calibre bullet.” “Do I want to know HOW they determined this?” Cheryl asked. “Er… probably not.” Banjooo conceded. “Considering that I’m bullet proof, we figured that wasn’t the best use of monkeypower anyway. As a result, I’m mostly on my own…” "Banjooo!" Urwin roared as he finally made it through the crowd to confront them, his massive herd of lemmings lined up behind him. "By the Geneva convention, I demand that you let my people go!!!" Banjooo calmly polished his nails on the lapels of his tuxedo. "I'm afraid the Sea Monkeys never signed the Geneva accords. Besides, I've told you before, your troops all sink like rocks. You'd think the little balls of fluff would be more buoyant…" "Lies! Every word!!!" Urwin delcared. "You won't get away with this!!! I'll be speaking to the UN about your lemming rights violations!!!" Banjooo sneered at him. "Go jump off a…" "Excuse me, your majesty…" Cheryl interceded, "but I believe I hear the orchestra warming up, and my date promised me the first dance." She smiled sweetly at the King of Suicidal Rodents as she firmly lead the huge Sea Monkey away from the impending scene. "Smooth" Banjooo conceded once they had left the lemming horde behind. "I figure the Lair's Public Relations would fare better if I wasn't forced to explain to the press why one of our more prominent members started a brawl with a giant weasel in the White House." Cheryl answered. "Plus, I don't get to do as much ballroom dancing as I'd like…" "Uh… You really want to dance?" Banjooo said uncomfortably. "I mean, we don't do a lot of it underwater… One tends to float off the dance floor…" "Nonsense" Cheryl declared firmly as they took their place on the floor. She guided one of his hands to her hip and grasped the other firmly. "It's a simple waltz—two forward, one back… You'll do fine." Banjooo had to admit, the experience wasn't as bad as he feared. He only stepped on Cheryl's feet five times or so, and only once, when he became a bit too enthusiastic, did he trample another couple with his huge Sea Monkey form. "So" Cheryl asked once the music finally stopped and the guests made their way into the dining room. "Why *did* you need a date for tonight?" "Well… the truth is, I didn't want to ask anyone in the Parodyverse." Banjooo said. "I kind of have a girlfriend…" "…And you're hesitant to bring her here," Cheryl continued for him, "because the Lair is filled with insane freaks, of whom she probably wouldn't want to come within one hundred yards. Does that about cover it?" "Ummm… aren't you supposed to be making the Lair sound good?" Banjooo asked the PR consultant. "I'll leave that last part off the press release" Cheryl assured him as they took their seat at the table. "But I wouldn't worry about her reaction, especially if she's already dating a 75 foot tall Sea…" "Would either of you like some wine?" a waiter asked, cutting into the conversation. It was Visionary. "Gah!" Banjooo cried in surprise. "I haven't touched her! And no matter what Tina said, I sure wasn't thinking about… uh… um…. you know." "Ummmm… okay" Visionary answered, confused as usual. "Actually, I'm here undercover. It seems that Zemo is planning to…" "I don't want to hear about it!" Banjooo snapped. "I'm off duty!" "Is this something that I'm likely to have to explain to the press later, dear?" Cheryl asked mildly. "Probably" Visionary admitted. "You see, Zemo is…" "Please, dear" Cheryl cut him off. "Somehow I know the truth would only make my job harder. And yes, I'm now absolutely *sure* that I'd like some wine…" "Ummm… okay" Visionary answered. "Red or white?" "What's being prepared for dinner?" Banjooo asked. Before Visionary could answer, there came a thunderous crash from the kitchen. "Art thou mad?" a familiar voice roared. "You dare add yet more capers? I say thee nay!!!!" "The Legion has infiltrated the kitchen staff?" Banjooo asked mildly. Visionary nodded. "Perhaps I'll just stick to the dinner rolls on the table." Cheryl said, holding up her wine glass to be filled. "Good plan" Banjooo agreed clinking their glasses together in a mock toast. Visionary |
| A Matter of Diplomacy, part two (Visionary) (13-Nov-1999 11:09:48) |
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